for Wordless Wednesday, a cool shot from the cleveland zoo...
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Memories are tricky
Nablopomo asks, "What is your first memory?" and I answer, memories are tricky.
It used to concern me that I couldn't recall my childhood precisely, that I have bits and pieces of possible memories, usually prompted by photographs....
...but then, I do not recall situations of any kind in a linear fashion. My mind contorts reality, swirling situations, mixing in feelings and impressions, possible story lines and imagined back stories of people I meet.
So, when trying to recall my first memory I think of sliding down the bump in my granny's wooden hallway with my floppy socks....exploring the corn fields with my raggedy ann .....making up songs under the kitchen table.... all the while imagining something or other.
Now that I have fallen into my creative career, i use pieces of the past that may or may not have really been there, spinning something new out memories that only flit and flirt through my mind....and don't worry about precision recollection.
This doesn't mean I do not pay attention, I often am intensely aware - but miss details while playing around with the big picture. - or, as the saying sort of goes - look too closely at a tree and miss the forest.....but never miss the emotions, or leave without taking something from the experience.
-so if we happen to be in the same place sometime, forgive me in advance for not remembering the event the way it really happened, mmkay. thanks.
It used to concern me that I couldn't recall my childhood precisely, that I have bits and pieces of possible memories, usually prompted by photographs....
...but then, I do not recall situations of any kind in a linear fashion. My mind contorts reality, swirling situations, mixing in feelings and impressions, possible story lines and imagined back stories of people I meet.
So, when trying to recall my first memory I think of sliding down the bump in my granny's wooden hallway with my floppy socks....exploring the corn fields with my raggedy ann .....making up songs under the kitchen table.... all the while imagining something or other.
Now that I have fallen into my creative career, i use pieces of the past that may or may not have really been there, spinning something new out memories that only flit and flirt through my mind....and don't worry about precision recollection.
This doesn't mean I do not pay attention, I often am intensely aware - but miss details while playing around with the big picture. - or, as the saying sort of goes - look too closely at a tree and miss the forest.....but never miss the emotions, or leave without taking something from the experience.
-so if we happen to be in the same place sometime, forgive me in advance for not remembering the event the way it really happened, mmkay. thanks.
I've got a new way to walk, walk-walk
The phrase, walk away, has been my method of defense, slink away is more like it. I do not like confrontation, avoid it at all costs - my response to anger - walk away - detach - think of rainbows and butterflies, okay, well not really, but I can shut down quite effectively and reboot in la la land in an instant.
This type of walking away is not very productive. I end up losing by default. Maybe I should employ a little more drama to my retreat. Add some attitude, a touch of sass and a whole lot of fun.....
As in the Monty Python sketch or this Sesame Street video... I've got a new way to walk, walk, walk
Written for this week’s topic at The Writers’ Post:Walking Away
Monday, October 10, 2011
Get out of jail free card
I planned on following the daily prompts for the October NaBloPoMo,
.. but was a little unprepared for today's
it has to do with what i think happens after a person dies. hmmm, please just refer to the bible on this one.
As the only player in my private little 'life-monopoly' game, i am giving myself a Get Out of Jail Free card for this move. There are too many people in my life who have left this earth too early for me to give any sort of answer.
now what?
In a way, it's like one of my jobs. I ghostwrite for a travel site. (pretty sure I can at least say that...) anyways this involves doing little blurbs for different states, countries and vacation destinations.....from my tiny little house in the 'burbs.
I can research, fill in the templates and add a ton of enthusiasm, but do not really know what it is like there, at least not first hand. Same with this prompt, I can research, follow the plan, enthusiastically imagine....but do not know.
and I am okay with that.
.. but was a little unprepared for today's
it has to do with what i think happens after a person dies. hmmm, please just refer to the bible on this one.
As the only player in my private little 'life-monopoly' game, i am giving myself a Get Out of Jail Free card for this move. There are too many people in my life who have left this earth too early for me to give any sort of answer.
I like thinking of death as a SURPRISE PARTY you didn't know about. Whoa, what do you mean I am dead?, I don't feel dead......
now what?In a way, it's like one of my jobs. I ghostwrite for a travel site. (pretty sure I can at least say that...) anyways this involves doing little blurbs for different states, countries and vacation destinations.....from my tiny little house in the 'burbs.
I can research, fill in the templates and add a ton of enthusiasm, but do not really know what it is like there, at least not first hand. Same with this prompt, I can research, follow the plan, enthusiastically imagine....but do not know.
and I am okay with that. Sunday, October 9, 2011
Room 209
one of my favorite places
in the whole world
~before the madness~
my class room, before 1st period...
more chairs are added for 3rd, 4th and 5th
note: 2nd period the room is used for Mandarin Chinese- if you were wondering what was on the board.
It may seem like nothing special,
it is not the prettiest classroom in the world I guess,
but the tile floor, real tables (not desks) two huge chalkboards, a desk for me,
and....
it is not the prettiest classroom in the world I guess,
but the tile floor, real tables (not desks) two huge chalkboards, a desk for me,
and....
plus, a wall of storage closets,
which turns the whole space into a slice of heaven.
Not the best picture, but this is part of my small class working on a nifty sewing project. They designed patterns, chose fabric from upholstery sample books (donated by my mom, thank you mom) and are figuring out how to thread needles, stitch, embroider and stuff unique little stuffed critters. So far there are monkeys, teddy bears, a few cats and dolls. Unusual art project, but surprisingly relaxing according to my students.
before this, we created amazing woven baskets and rugs for the preschool class.....forgot to upload pics will backtrack and get those up. I have not taken a single picture during the painting or cartooning classes though- busy, crazy busy trying to maintain order while unleashing the creativity of hordes of elementary and jr, high maniacs!
Between
Again, I missed the beginning of the NaBloPoMo month, but clicking around came across the new badge and topic and want to join in. Between is the over-reaching topic for the month and the tree image is perfectly eery for this month of almost winter, but not quite...Starting "in between" seems appropriate.
Catching up, I am going to run through the first few questions and see what happens. (there is rarely any amount of planning to my posts, I just start typing and see what my fingers end up saying)
October prompts;
Talk about one important thing that happened between last Friday and today.
List two things (however close or far) that your current home is between.
List two things (however close or far) that your childhood home is between.
Are you the oldest, youngest, middle or only child? Talk about siblings.
What is something you always pack on a trip?
Important thing that happened this past week....well, this past week brought a ton of excitement, some good, some not so good, but it all seemed to kickstart me back into creating. Roller coasters last weekend- talked about below- break-in at school - ridiculously botched fire drill - fellow teacher falling down the stairs, ending up with a nasty broken arm, dislocated elbow and upcoming surgery....I posted as much on my facebook wall and looking back realized I probably came off as terribly insensitive....
Not the case, but all the excitement really did seem to electrify the school days....
I live in Ohio. Mid-point to everything it seems. Not really the center, but definitely in-between. Canada and Cuba, New York and Chicago....more specifically I am in between Lakewood and my Medina, and perfectly settled in the middle of the Metroparks.
...on to being the oldest of four sisters, by many, many years. My youngest sister is in college- we were spaced by 7 or more years, so it makes for an unusual dynamic when we talk. We all basically lived different childhoods.
....finally, what is one thing I always pack on a trip, aside from a notebook/sketchbook, I pack a certain black skirt. Regardless of where I am going, warm or cold weather, long trip or short, I have this odd little skirt with an asymetrical hem that I have owned since I was in my early twenties. It is made of some kind of polyester/rayon/something or other that never shows wear and tear.. I even wore it through pregnancies, 'under my belly' then. It rolls up into a tiny ball and can be stashed in a baggie in my purse- just in case. What this 'just in case' may be, I am not sure, but it has come in handy. Very much a "between" piece of clothing, not really dressy, not exactly casual...just perfectly in-between.
Catching up, I am going to run through the first few questions and see what happens. (there is rarely any amount of planning to my posts, I just start typing and see what my fingers end up saying)
October prompts;
Talk about one important thing that happened between last Friday and today.
List two things (however close or far) that your current home is between.
List two things (however close or far) that your childhood home is between.
Are you the oldest, youngest, middle or only child? Talk about siblings.
What is something you always pack on a trip?
Important thing that happened this past week....well, this past week brought a ton of excitement, some good, some not so good, but it all seemed to kickstart me back into creating. Roller coasters last weekend- talked about below- break-in at school - ridiculously botched fire drill - fellow teacher falling down the stairs, ending up with a nasty broken arm, dislocated elbow and upcoming surgery....I posted as much on my facebook wall and looking back realized I probably came off as terribly insensitive....
Not the case, but all the excitement really did seem to electrify the school days....
I live in Ohio. Mid-point to everything it seems. Not really the center, but definitely in-between. Canada and Cuba, New York and Chicago....more specifically I am in between Lakewood and my Medina, and perfectly settled in the middle of the Metroparks.
...on to being the oldest of four sisters, by many, many years. My youngest sister is in college- we were spaced by 7 or more years, so it makes for an unusual dynamic when we talk. We all basically lived different childhoods.
....finally, what is one thing I always pack on a trip, aside from a notebook/sketchbook, I pack a certain black skirt. Regardless of where I am going, warm or cold weather, long trip or short, I have this odd little skirt with an asymetrical hem that I have owned since I was in my early twenties. It is made of some kind of polyester/rayon/something or other that never shows wear and tear.. I even wore it through pregnancies, 'under my belly' then. It rolls up into a tiny ball and can be stashed in a baggie in my purse- just in case. What this 'just in case' may be, I am not sure, but it has come in handy. Very much a "between" piece of clothing, not really dressy, not exactly casual...just perfectly in-between.
and right now, I am between events- hence the blogging break
Falling for balance and clarity
Nothing like falling over 300 feet to jumpstart a stalled brain. I spent last weekend at Cedar Point for the senior class school fundraiser. We all got into the park for free in exchange for 4 hours of our time working a booth....and the school received a percentage of the proceeds. Not a bad deal.
I hadn't been on a roller coaster in several years, but could not WAIT to try out the new rides. There was high wind the first day so several of the big coasters were closed, drizzly rain the night of the second day....and so, the crowds were light to say the least. Sunday morning/early afternoon was perfect for riding rides- but few people took the chance. Six hours at Cedar Point may give you approximately 5 hours standing in lines on a regular day....but on Sunday- we had no more than a 15 minute wait for any ride. Amazing. Let's go!
Millenium Force broke records 10 years ago when it was built. 310 feet high....a dive to the ground at an 80 degree angle...speeds of 93 miles per hour. I accidentally found myself in the front car- (lack of attention will do that) and was um, a bit nervous since I sort of rely on a seat in front of me to break my fall in case of an emergency...kidding, er maybe...mainly though it meant I didn't really have anything substantial to hold on to.
Clicking up to the peak, I focused on the freighters on Lake Erie, watched the birds catch the wind and....relaxed. There was no turning back, I was set to fall and was about as calm as if I was sitting on the bench in my front yard with a cup of coffee, it was so beautiful out.
I was scared at the top in split second before going over....but was just as quickly amazed. I love that feeling. The rush of adrenaline, the complete lack of control, the 'holy cow, how is this even possible' thoughts.
After that ride I could not wait to try the next craziest...Top Thrill Dragster... 420 feet straight up and then you twist your way back down. It was the tallest and fastest coaster in the world when it opened in 2003.
Unfortunately, I didn't get a shot at this ride, since it broke down as we were set to get on. The car in front of us was shot up, but didn't quite make it to the top and it came rushing back down (this happens) They went to shoot it up again, but it didn't make it again, and so they shut the ride down. next time, baby, first thing.
There is only one kind of ride I will not attempt -won't even watch. Those dang swings make me ill, around and around, not really going anywhere, blah. Shocking heights and speeds do not faze me, I will twist upside down, in the dark, dangling dangerously above the ground....but going round and round is just not my thing.
Which brings me to the point of this -extra long- post...
That's life.
Same ol' same ol' makes me ill,
potentially disastrous change is what I crave.
This can be a tough balancing act to control. I try to insert risks into my safe life, roller derby for example, but mainly my risks are mental. I take on just a bit too much, just enough to throw me in a tailspin every so often.
The GBE2 prompt was Balance and I avoided the topic because at first glance, balance reminds me of keeping everything safe and normal, around and around, just enough of this and that and everything is perfect .....gag me...
but then somewhere between Cedar Point and plotting my next adventure I realized balance is relative, and yes, even necessary. Now that I am back to standing in line, so to speak- balancing out work and working out- creating my own art and teaching- writing my own stuff and the stuff that earns money - friends and solitude - family and individuality....it's true my balance will not look like your balance and that's okay.
since I am self analyzing here, and you have the freedom to click away at any moment, I will continue...
I also realized detaching myself from the outcome is how I handle free falls. On the way up the 310 foot coaster, I was "in the moment" i suppose, but not really.....the truth was I was traveling up a coaster on my way to possible death, but I was enjoying the scenery, bird watching even, thinking about how pretty the clouds looked over Lake Erie, wondering if we were going to get any rain later...screaming wasn't necessary-worrying wasn't worth it, what was done was done, I was enjoying that second.
so, end of self analysis.....
Where ever you find yourself today-
look around,
enjoy the view.
~ciao
I added "clarity" to the title at the last second because it worked....and it fulfilled my "catching up on GBE2 posts" ~love it.
I hadn't been on a roller coaster in several years, but could not WAIT to try out the new rides. There was high wind the first day so several of the big coasters were closed, drizzly rain the night of the second day....and so, the crowds were light to say the least. Sunday morning/early afternoon was perfect for riding rides- but few people took the chance. Six hours at Cedar Point may give you approximately 5 hours standing in lines on a regular day....but on Sunday- we had no more than a 15 minute wait for any ride. Amazing. Let's go!
Millenium Force broke records 10 years ago when it was built. 310 feet high....a dive to the ground at an 80 degree angle...speeds of 93 miles per hour. I accidentally found myself in the front car- (lack of attention will do that) and was um, a bit nervous since I sort of rely on a seat in front of me to break my fall in case of an emergency...kidding, er maybe...mainly though it meant I didn't really have anything substantial to hold on to.
Clicking up to the peak, I focused on the freighters on Lake Erie, watched the birds catch the wind and....relaxed. There was no turning back, I was set to fall and was about as calm as if I was sitting on the bench in my front yard with a cup of coffee, it was so beautiful out.
I was scared at the top in split second before going over....but was just as quickly amazed. I love that feeling. The rush of adrenaline, the complete lack of control, the 'holy cow, how is this even possible' thoughts.
After that ride I could not wait to try the next craziest...Top Thrill Dragster... 420 feet straight up and then you twist your way back down. It was the tallest and fastest coaster in the world when it opened in 2003.
There is only one kind of ride I will not attempt -won't even watch. Those dang swings make me ill, around and around, not really going anywhere, blah. Shocking heights and speeds do not faze me, I will twist upside down, in the dark, dangling dangerously above the ground....but going round and round is just not my thing.
Which brings me to the point of this -extra long- post...
That's life.
Same ol' same ol' makes me ill,
potentially disastrous change is what I crave.
This can be a tough balancing act to control. I try to insert risks into my safe life, roller derby for example, but mainly my risks are mental. I take on just a bit too much, just enough to throw me in a tailspin every so often.
but then somewhere between Cedar Point and plotting my next adventure I realized balance is relative, and yes, even necessary. Now that I am back to standing in line, so to speak- balancing out work and working out- creating my own art and teaching- writing my own stuff and the stuff that earns money - friends and solitude - family and individuality....it's true my balance will not look like your balance and that's okay.
since I am self analyzing here, and you have the freedom to click away at any moment, I will continue...
I also realized detaching myself from the outcome is how I handle free falls. On the way up the 310 foot coaster, I was "in the moment" i suppose, but not really.....the truth was I was traveling up a coaster on my way to possible death, but I was enjoying the scenery, bird watching even, thinking about how pretty the clouds looked over Lake Erie, wondering if we were going to get any rain later...screaming wasn't necessary-worrying wasn't worth it, what was done was done, I was enjoying that second.
so, end of self analysis.....
Where ever you find yourself today-
look around,
enjoy the view.
~ciao
I added "clarity" to the title at the last second because it worked....and it fulfilled my "catching up on GBE2 posts" ~love it.
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