O is for oops

oops!   

O is for Oops

Blogger was down. Took my Q-post for a while. Now it is back. The backwards alphabet is now out of order. Oops. Oh well. Looks like I do not know my alphabet. But I do. I don't know much 'bout much, but I can sing my ABC's...and recite them backwards, quickly....while hopping on one foot, spinning in a circle, skipping, playing hopscotch....I know because that's how I learned.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.......zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba.....spin, hop, repeat...I know my alphabet, I love letters and words. They float around my brain all day, random phrases looking for connections with other lost words. Often, when I go to speak, something unexpected pops out...especially if I am working when someone tries to talk to me....


Looking foolish is something that cannot always be controlled.

Recently I sat down with an accomplished psychiatrist, a lady with lots of letters after her name. A woman with nearly twenty years of schooling, decades of working, loads of knowledge....who had a stroke. She fights daily to recall words. Aphasia is the medical term for her condition. The interview took much longer than what I had originally expected while she hunted and pecked for her words. Often she'd do some simple charades to help me figure out what she was trying to say. She also can't read well anymore, which is a sad twist since, from the looks of her home library, was a passion of hers.

In the course of the sometimes difficult interview, I saw the graceful way she handled the frustration, she may have felt foolish for not remembering a simple word, but it didn't show. She continued to fight and reach to be understood correctly. And I tried my best to capture her words. It turned into more than a simple question and answer session, for me at least. I studied her poise. I was angry at the irony of a woman who spent her life listening and talking, studying and helping...to suffer a stroke that hit the very part of her brain that dealt with language. I made a new commitment to my health, my work and my relationships...while sitting there scribbling answers and playing charades with a stranger.

People wouldn't know she had a stroke, they might just think she was stupid. That's also so sad to imagine. But you can't concern yourself with what others think.Oops, move on. Looking foolish is going to happen. 

~shrug~ 

I'll end with one of my shining moments

When stepping out of a truck, I sneezed....

I was wearing sunglasses

The force of my sneeze slammed my face into the side mirror

my glasses broke 

I wound up with a shiner! 

and yes, there were lots of people in the parking lot, I was going to my son's soccer game.

that's with a nice bit of makeup over top

~shrug~

Q is for Quiet.....shhhhhhh

~shhhhhh...q is for quiet

shhh

Writing is a quiet profession. I like that. It is also full of the unknown, will the publisher go bankrupt before the deal is final? will the website actually pay? will anyone read my work? will I be bombarded with hateful comments that attack everything from my thoughts, actions, background, parenting, future, choices.. to the way I do my hair?   Not to mention the ever present deadlines-that I live and breath for...only to watch the assignment sit on the editors desk for days, weeks...ugh!

All the intensity is basically boiling under the surface.  It's like being a professional duck. Calm, cool and collected on the surface- but paddling like crazy-mad under water. People around me can't see the intensity, sure, if they read my blog they would know how freaked out, insanely scared I am of certain things, but my neighbors wouldn't know it...

Interviewing is new to me......when I accepted a series of assignments, I alternated between the "of COURSE you can do this" and the "You are an idiot"  self talks. My good friend reminded me that I do this A LOT. it's okay, that's just how I am put together, an introvert with a raging adrenaline addiction.

Now that all is quiet again, inside and out...I have learned a few things;

* heels, perfume and lip gloss really are confidence boosters
* interviewing is just listening
* i have surprisingly bad handwriting...now
* people like to talk about themselves
* i LOVE my work

shhhhhh..... 

P is for Positive

Well, looks like Q is gone....blogger went down yesterday and took away posts. Unsure if it will be back, but I did write it, honest. q was for quiet. shhhh, 'nuf said.


Anyways, on to the letter P. P is for Positive. Pollyanna-esque, perfectly preposterously, passionately positive is a part of my personality.....under the surface. Truth is, I can be cynical with the rest of ya'll, sarcastic and hate on myself on occasion....but ultimately, I believe everything works out for the best. I see the sunny side of things and believe the best in people, often to my detriment...
A couple of years ago, I was thrown into a potentially crushing situation....but refused to "face facts"  instead I retreated into a new life.....  

A favorite quote from Robert Louis Stevenson

 Life is not a matter of having good cards, 

but of playing a poor hand well.

 

La, la, la.....I can't hear you..... (I'm too busy dreaming up something new) ......la, la, la.....jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...la, la, la*...


You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. You don't have charge of the constellations, but you do have charge of whether you read, develop new skills, and take new classes. Jim Rohn 


*actual text from the voice in my head

R is for Relax

R is for Relax

 Well, I made it through the majority of my interviews...one more today and then the mad dash to deadline. At least, that's how I have been looking at it, but

maybe, just maybe...I need to relax.

 The interviews went surprisingly well. I learned a lot, enjoyed the break from being in front of my computer and met interesting new people. 

Since my to-do list is packed the rest of the week; between work/school/home/kids/sports....must-do's and wanna-do's

I could easily cross sleep off the list and still not have time to do it all.

BUT

that is not going to happen. 

Lots of freelancers/moms/etc... have made that choice. I've made that choice, oftentimes running on less than 5 hours a night...or just a couple hours, plus a nap during the afternoon.

"No-sleep" is like a badge of honor...and I really like honor badges. 

I can trace this obsession back to my Girl Scout and 4H years,

but, like my old sashes from those days, it is time to put away the badge mentality.  

Relax, work sane, sleep. 

I'll at least try it as an experiment   

A clinical trial: what would happen if Sylvie took a break, slept, made time for nothing?

(there, I made sound like "work" ....have to ease into this ya' know)

S is for Six degrees of Separation

 It has been suggested that only 6 people stand between you and anyone else on the planet. This "Human spider Web" means that a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend will bring you and anyone together. It's one of those old theories that seems to prove itself true. Proposed in 1929, by Hungarian author Frigyes Karinthy, I guess you could call him the original social networker. If he had access to the technology back then, maybe he would have developed Facebook or LinkedIn.  My "scary day" had me calling strangers on the phone...I didn't give any thought to possibly knowing anyone on my list. No, these were people with numerous letters after their names, people far and above little ol' me. (and I was right- I didn't know anyone on my list)

BUT

The first lady I interviewed was fascinating. (full disclosure when my work publishes...) and through our conversation, I discovered she knows the author of one of my favorite books, the book I literally kept strapped to my bike, just in case I had a hicop in my travels and had a moment to reread a passage. I am not easily starstruck, er, maybe I am, just in my own way. There are people I would love to meet- who probably wouldn't be considered "stars" in pop circles, but in my own little head they are elevated on beautiful white pedestals.

*following a rabbit trail here*
There is one individual who would never imagine himself a superhero, but he is...to me.  I've embarrassed myself enough over the years with my over the top praise and gratitude. It makes no logical sense, but I am convinced it is true.

excuse me,

"-in case you are reading this, thanks again!-  yes, I am talking directly to you."

okay, I'm back. 





Who hasn't had the strange connection on facebook....you 'friend' someone, only to discover they are already friends with your best friend from elementary school....how in the world do you two know each other?.....



Driving home from the interview with this amazing little lady, tears welled up in my eyes. (partly from stress relief that my first major step was complete) but also from the realization that this unexpected connection occurred. I love connecting the dots, seeing what can be pulled together from random chaos. I am content leaving the big picture to God, but these little glimpses make life a real adventure.

Take the next step...

                 who knows where it will lead you.....

                                                             or to whom.




 

T is for Tomorrow

These challenges, (the A to Z challenge and the current Z to A challenge) are set up so that Sundays are free days. Tomorrow is officially T-day....but I am blogging tonight, for tomorrow, to save time. :) 

The truth is...I am terrified of my tasks for tomorrow. Talking to strangers is not a strong point for me. Who am I kidding, talking to friends, family and acquaintances is not a strong point. I like people, I really do. I like to listen, I love to hear their stories, I am not comfortable talking.

There was a time in my life when I 'talked funny' - so, I met with a nice lady, a speech therapist, for a couple years. But while she was successful in straightening out my s's and t's and controlled my stutter...she couldn't fix the part inside of me that tells me to just, "shut your mouth already."

Tomorrow I have to find no less than 4 professionals in particular fields to interview. That means I have to make cold calls. I have to introduce myself. I have to set up a time to meet.

Now, I am not a complete putz, I have made cold calls before. I have introduced myself. I have set up appointments....for other people. When I worked in the agency, I had to make all sorts of arrangements for my boss. BUT...I could hide behind that curtain. I was calling FOR someone else, hiding behind their agenda. This time, I am calling for me. The person they will be meeting with, (IF I am successful), will be ME)   

Totally terrified.

But I am trying to psych myself up by remembering tiny successes...other times when I was a freaking mess like I am tonight...and lived. Teaching was HUGE. Walking into my first creative writing class was insanely terrifying....but I still talk to a couple of those students. Amazing, they loved my classes. (I did too) 


When this assignment was presented to me, I seriously considered turning it down. But, I have to take chances, do scary things, make myself do the next hardest thing. I may be scared...but I CRAVE this intense feeling of imminent failure. It's a part of my character. I like to throw myself into moving traffic just to see if I will survive. I take jobs too hard for me, say yes to things completely over my head, and make large mistakes in judgment...but life goes on. It's intriguing, in a freak show sort of way. 


Tomorrow morning I will be playing Frogger with my emotions.....

...hating and loving every moment of it.

Ta Da!   

U is for Unexpected!

I interrupt my previously planned post for U, to bring you....

U is for Unexpected

I had dinner plans Friday night with a group of friends. I'm not all about eating out...but somehow this tradition was started to meet up at a different restaurant each month. One of us plans the night and everyone else goes along with it. The girl in charge  last night chose an Italian restaurant. It was nice, although I can never understand going out for spaghetti...so I had calamari, and then crab cakes. :) 

When she announced her ideas for the "after party"  I was like, eh-whatever....others felt the same way and we actually ended up hitting a different place first, but that flopped for reasons beyond our control (fifteen thousand softball players took over the place)  so...we went with her first choice.

So UNEXPECTEDLY FUN

The place was an old, old, old establishment that I had been to once for a wedding reception. Too fancy, too over the top for my tastes....BUT...little did I know it had a cellar pub. Well hidden down the massive white staircase with columns of light was this dark, airport lounge looking place. Me and my bad attitude walked in and was instantly charmed. The place was packed!  Full of people dressed in their dancing best. People at least 20+ years older than everyone in my group. We found a couple booths over by the band who was sitting around eating large plates of cake and drinking coffee (and assorted beverages) 

We are all over 40, but felt like we were sitting at the kids table at a wedding. :) 

The background music was playing Love Shack, and people were *gasp* dancing...and having a great time. 

How could we not dance?  It was so much fun...no one knew us...no one cared....they were all just showing off their moves....some were remarkably good, others unbelievably bad. 

The band got up to play, all older guys, saxophone, keyboard, drums and a bass.....they played their funky hearts out. The dance floor was full to overflowing...we laughed and danced and people watched till who knows when... Unexpected fun is the BEST.

and...I get the irony. My latest posts and a few of my recent articles were related to aging in a way...to see first hand and up close older people really enjoying themselves was awesome. Plus, I know where to go now to dance where I won't feel old : )