it's my birthday

wish i could rearrange these posts, but i'm not sure how...anyways, this was written march 5th, 2008...it was the beginning of the fairy tale ending...see below.


it's my birthday......

....and i'll wish if i want to...because that's what you do on birthdays. i wrote 38 wishes down in my journal this morning, threw birthday dust on my kids and spun it through the house....thought i'd post my wishes, but then, if i did, they wouldn't come true, unrevokable birthday knowledge.

This is my all time favorite holiday. My birthday. The day I came to life. How can you not celebrate this, how can people mourn their birthdays, dread them....i will never understand. The other holidays are all so much work, so many expectations and requirments. Your birthday is just that, yours. Do something different each year, or nothing at all. Lovely. sit back, enjoy.
After knowing more of my story, finding out who i really am, and how i came to be...this day holds so much more emotion for me, makes so much more sense.

The silver cords that bind each of us to those we love are tugged a little harder, the memories pass a little sharper, the connections seem uncanny. Sometime over the night, the woman who haunts my sleep, and the man who loves her with a romantic fierceness fairytales are made of, broke her hip. This man who loves her, accidently fell on her. This couple i wrote of so many times, this couple who raised me and like the fairies in rumplestilsken, blessed me with unusual gifts, and as their legend goes, "they will one day die beside each other, like romeo and juliet, one cannot live without the other" he followed the ambulance to the hospital, complained of chest pains, so he wouldn't be forced to leave her side, besides, he didn't know his way home from this strange hospital, far away form the solar paneled house they built in the Michigan woods with their own hands. Today, of all days. Fitting somehow.

... i opened a message, 'happy birthday' from a part of my life that i've always known, but never knew. this girl who i've seen in fits and starts, who disapears and becomes unknowable...just like i do...who lives inside out and upside down...on purpose sometimes...just like i do....so many years, so many memories...all different, but the same.

today, yes, it's fitting. connections and silver cords and pieces of my heart thrown about like the magical birthday dust i pretend we are full of on our birthdays. It's meant to share and sprinkle and create tsunami waves of love....

thank you jacqueline, i love you too.