traveled alone this weekend to my grandma’s funeral. i could have gone up with family, saved some money, spent some time talking...but...i didn’t. no offense to friends or family, but sometimes ya’ll just wear me out. a true introvert, i crave silence, solitary confinement, toss in a little loneliness and i can create again.
besides, i travel through this life a million miles an hour, rushing here, rushing there, behind schedule on everything, like the white rabbit in wonderland, i’m late, i’m late for a very important date. everything seems important, urgent, necessary....but this weekend....i got to travel at a leisurly 70 mile per hour pace...alone.
everything stopped.
traveling alone in a car for so many hoursmy soul got a chance to stretch out in the backseatthoughts finally got a chance to speak their mind and even converseamongst themselves. although, often, i’d have to turn the radio up to chest thumbing, earsplitting volumes to drown out their intenstity especially when the thoughts would start to get too personal, start pushing my buttons.
after the funeral i checked into a hotel. alone. i drew. swam, listened to music, took a bath, watched a movie, read a book, slept with no alarm, i could run away, i could live in this hotel i thought, forever...then i got the bill under my door and realized home was a much better deal.
the drive back was uneventful, my mind shifted to neutral, relaxed, driving under blue skies, everything seems okay again,
manageable chaos.
physically and mentally, home.
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